Zombie Survival Kit

Posted by Dan | Posted in Blog | Posted on 29-10-2011


I’m packing a law-abiding Zombie Survival Kit. This is like a regular Zombie Survival Kit (something you all should have under your bed), but basically without weapons or anything that explodes: Hallowe’en in prison — while no doubt fascinating — is not how I wish to spend it.

So far I have packed:

  • Camera — Why do you never see these in zombie movies? Absolutely essential
  • Stationery — Never leave home without it
  • Red marker pen — Explanation here
  • Toothbrush — Because clean teeth are happy teeth
  • First Aid Kit
  • Alcohol — Disinfectant, explosive, alcoholic
  • Zippo — When lighting a Molotov, you have to look cool. A disposable lighter just won’t do
  • Those things girls put in their hair which you can use to pick locks — To pick locks
  • Condoms — Avoid infection
  • Paper map — In case Google Maps goes down
  • Chocolate
  • Sellotape
  • Stapler — Backup weapon
  • A little bubble blower thing I got given at my cousin’s wedding — I’ve kept it this long in the hope I’ll eventually find a use for it. No sense to stop now
  • Toilet paper — Nothing worse than running out of this
  • Monocular
  • Flashlight
  • Cloth to clean my glasses
  • Fingerless gloves — They make you feel powerful
What am I missing? I’ll post a photo of me decked out in all this on Monday.  😀

The Art of Self-Destruction

Posted by Dan | Posted in Blog, Mental Health | Posted on 17-09-2011


In which Dan questions whether he’s a sociopath.

I lost one of my best friends the other day.

She didn’t die, although based on the way I’ve reacted to her being cut so wholly and abruptly from my life, it feels as if she has. I lost her because I told the truth, and in so doing betrayed a secret she had entrusted me with. I firmly believed — and for the most part still believe — that I did what I did to help her. That it was my duty as a friend to do it.

Read the rest of this entry »

This is me

Posted by Dan | Posted in Blog, Pedantry | Posted on 27-07-2011



Jack Denial’s

Posted by Dan | Posted in Blog | Posted on 25-02-2011


Trust your instincts, kids; they’re probably right.


Posted by Dan | Posted in Blog, Misanthropy, Pedantry | Posted on 20-02-2011


Well, that’s it: I’ve found my dream woman.  That particular life goal has been checked off the list and I can now focus my energy on my career or buying a car or something.

In case you’re wondering, here is the lucky lady:

As I’m sure you can see from her OKcupid profile, she’s perfect.  I can’t wait for the day she is the best mum she can’t be to our children.