This ‘news’ article was originally published on MediaWatchWatch back in 2009. I’m on a mission to dig up some of the stuff I’ve had published across the internet and collect it all into one place.
I was dead chuffed when Ariane Sherine, founder of the original atheist bus campaign and editor of The Atheist’s Guide to Christmas, tweeted about it.
This satirical article was originally published on UnNews back in 2007. I’m on a mission to dig up some of the stuff I’ve had published across the internet and collect it all into one place.
For those who don’t remember the original story: basically a teacher in an Islamic country let her class name a teddy bear, so a lot of Muslims felt it only fair she have her head cut off. No, I’m not kidding. [Story here]
OXFORD, ENGLAND – Hordes of enraged Atheists have swarmed the walls of the Sudanese Embassy in Oxford in retaliation against an act of unforgivable heresy in a local primary school earlier this week.
The act is believed to have occurred during a Darwinism lesson, taught by Sudanese supply teacher Muhajiin Fatwa, when it is alleged a pupil produced a teddy bear from his rucksack. While this in itself is not normally a punishable offense within the United Kingdom, controversy emerged once the teacher asked the bear’s name. According to witnesses, the boy replied “His name is Richard Dawkins. I named him out of respect for Dawkins’ condescending attitude towards religions which take insignificant events far too seriously and are thus detrimental to the progress of the human race.” Astonishingly, and out of blatant disrespect for the religious rights of Atheists, Ms Fatwa neither confiscated the bear nor beat the child savagely, both of which any true British person would have done immediately.
While naming a boy Richard Dawkins is considered respectful among Atheists, allowing a woman to live after she has learnt the name of a teddy bear without interjecting is strictly forbidden and, as decreed in Chapter VI of The God Delusion, “punishable by rape, beheading and being crushed to death by Salman Rushdie novels.”
Atheists have already begun beheading people who may or may not have had any connection with the incident. Fundamentalist A.N. Wilson, wielding a burning torch and clutching the head of an infidel, made the following remark: “BEHEAD THOSE WHO INSULT FREE THOUGHT.”
The case continues.
As the pupil in question was male, the boy was alleviated of all guilt and is expected to receive Ms Fatwa’s possessions if the demands for her execution are met.
Sources
P.Mohammed “Some bloke named Mohammed, commenting on the day’s events“. Jesusandmo.net, Nov 30, 2007
Tolerance Teddy “ToleranceTeddy.com”. toleranceteddy.com, Dec 01, 2007
Put it another way: let’s say you believe in a peaceful interpretation of Hitler’s Mein Kampf. You follow the ‘good’ bits and ignore the ‘bad’ bits. You would never dream of harming another human being or anything like that, and regard all those who do as “extremists” and people who have “taken Hitler’s writing out of context”. Thus, you proudly wear your Swastika, state your political allegiance as “Nazi Party” on the census and live a perfectly good and moral life.
You raise your children with the same beliefs and values you follow, and they too grow up to be nice, moral Nazis who assert that anyone who gases Jews is a dangerous extremist who gives your political party a bad name, and that it is wrong to judge all Nazis just on the behaviour of a few fundamentalists.
A few years down the line, a large percentage of the country regard themselves as Nazis. The vast majority of those would never dream of condoning anything bad, and if questioned on the specifics of their belief will say something along the lines of: “Oh, well I believe that to be a good Nazi you just have to be nice to people and go to the local Third Reich meetings once in a while.”
The result of this is that the Nazi Party hold serious political weight. It would be a disastrous move for a politician to publicly state that he disagrees with the Nazis. If he attempts to point out that there are some very horrible ideas in Mein Kampf and there is clear evidence that teaching people that this book is a fine example of moral fibre increases the number of those who commit atrocities directly attributable to its teachings, he is told: “Oh that’s just the extremists – MOST of us would never dream of doing that.”
So it is generally accepted that Nazism is fine, morally admirable and generally a great thing because a lot of the people who bear the flag are at heart nice people. Nazi charities are set up, and they give millions to charity. Copies of Mein Kampf are placed in every hotel room in the country, and children are raised to believe that they are ‘bad’ and ‘wrong’ if they question the teachings of Hitler.
Do you see what’s wrong with this picture?
The moderates are the dangerous ones, because they make unacceptable ideas appear acceptable.