So I’m Gonna Be On TV

Posted by Dan | Posted in Blog, Pedantry | Posted on 24-10-2010

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If A Thief Call'sI’ve had so many people asking “Did I just see you on TV?” followed by “That’s amazing! I LOVE TV. I watch it every day. I want its babies. Tell me everything now!!” that I’m just going to make a blog post and direct future enquiries here.

First: I don’t watch TV and so haven’t seen it, but apparently there’s an advert of me on BBC3 where I am joyously correcting the spelling of the graffiti outside Welsh Club. I also say “If typos were terrorists, I’d be Jack Bauer” which really is reason enough to watch it.

The story: I was walking down Queen Street with Nate and Paula a few months back when two girls shoved a camera in our faces and asked “Do you do anything weird?”  Paula, who is far too helpful for her own good, made us stop and think intently about this before chirping up with “Well, I only use toilet paper if the number of sheets is divisible by four. He always takes photographs of his food, and he’s a Grammar Nazi.”  The girls excitedly interviewed us then scuttled off and we carried about our day.  Being attacked by random people on Queen Street is actually quite common so we didn’t think too much of it, but about a month later I got a call from Endemol saying: “We loved your audition tape. Can we put you in our programme?”  Apparently ranting about why I’d never date a girl who couldn’t differentiate between you’re and your is now classed as an audition!

Anyway, I figured it would be a laugh and agreed, and got to have a film crew follow me around Cardiff for an afternoon as I vandalised corrected various signs, posters, menus and graffiti with my giant red pen. There was actually a BNP/EDL rally taking place on the same day, and I desperately wanted to get some shots of me politely approaching one of their upstanding members and offering to correct the punctuation on their racist placards (it would have been worth getting punched in the face).  Sadly the crew refused to take their equipment anywhere near them, as apparently cameras are expensive. :(

Still, it was a fun day and I have sinced learned that the footage will be used for a show called “Freak Like Me”, hosted by Russell Kane.  I’ve no idea which episode I’ll be in, but there are only six so you should watch them all.

It starts on BBC3 at 8:30pm tomorrow.

Update:

It aired today.  It was shorter than I’d hoped, but that’s generally the way with editing.  But oh my fucking God.  I realise that, as a heterosexual male, I have no knowledge of hair maintenance and my hair only encounters a hairdresser a maximum of two times a year but Jesus I look bald on top.  I’d never really examined the top of my head before, what with it being above my eyes and all.  After consulting with some femalepeople it seems I need to do something called “layering”, and lay off my current approach of “comb hair back aggressively then ignore for six months.”  But as I’ve no idea what layering is I’m probably just gonna shave my head again.

Here are some screenshots which don’t feature a birds-eye view of my scalp.

And here’s me rocking the shaved head look.  I think only ‘tough’ people can really pull it off, so to increase my chances of looking dangerous here is me hugging some tigers.

Reckon I should shave it all off again?

Oh, on the plus side:

Linkage:

http://www.thescottishsun.co.uk/scotsol/homepage/scotlandfeatures/3191503/Check-out-the-freak-show.html